For fifty cents, I'll be your friend for life!
Congratulations and welcome to the Suki-Friend-For-Life Club. After a rigorously stringent decision making process, I am happy to inform you that you have made the final cut. The only thing hindering you from entering the bizarre and outwardly seeming mundane world of Suki is that crucial donation of 50 cents or its equivalent in food (that I like).
With your 50-cent donation, you will also receive a membership card and monthly newsletter* discoursing on the fascinating events of Suki’s life. Tremble in horror as Suki relays her hair-raising experience with the neighbor’s cat. Sit in bemused wonder as Suki puzzles over what to eat for dinner. Gasp in shock as Suki reads a book, pauses to contemplate the universe, and then begins to read another book. Laugh at the whimsy of the “Psycho-Suki” action figureTM ($19.95 plus shipping and handling) as it merrily dispatches your closest friends and relatives, all the while whispering in that eerie demonic voice, “I’m your only friend. I’m your ONLY friend!”
All this can be yours for only fifty cents! What a steal!
Thank you for your support.