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In the Event that the Dinosaurs Have Eaten the User of This Ticket


The holders of this ticket understand that this amusement park is filled with genetically engineered dinosaurs that may or may not have the capacity to break out of their cages. While all efforts have been made to secure the dinosaurs within said cages, the holders of this ticket understand that humans are full of hubris and are fallible. The chances the dinosaurs will be freed from said cages are quite high, which is considered common knowledge, especially as all ticket holders have the opportunity to research the failure of previous dinosaur-themed parks to create a safe and fun space for human/dinosaur interaction. If the holders are unaware of said failure, it is not the park’s responsibility to inform the holders of the details.

In purchasing this ticket, you acknowledge that certain dinosaurs are apex predators, who would naturally wish to pursue you should they break out of their cages. By entering this park, you are agreeing to let the dinosaurs hunt you with the implicit understanding that injuring the dinosaurs in any capacity would result in a minimum fine of $50,000 with the certainty of litigation.

Should the dinosaurs indeed break out of their cages, users of this ticket understand that they—along with any surviving relatives, friends, or colleagues—have released any rights to legal action against Jurassic World in the event that any user has been injured, maimed, or killed. In addition, users understand that no effort will be made to retrieve and return their bodies to loved ones as, in all likelihood, the entire amusement park will have devolved into chaos. In the event that the dinosaurs have eaten any users of this ticket, the burden of proof would fall on survivors of the victim. Jurassic World is not obligated to release information related to the dinosaurs’ dietary habits.

The selling of this ticket has been approved by Jurassic World’s extensive legal team with the understanding that humans rarely take the time to read the fine print.


Image: "Jurassic Park Entrance" by mabecerra is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

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